During an argument with a spouse or significant other, many of us just want our points to be heard and validated. Mainly, we want to be right! What happens when you are not heard? Or right….for that matter? What do you do? Get quiet, sulk, and get in your feelings? Or maybe we let our feelings turn into a sword and go for the kill with words that can never be taken back. We can allow our actions to become a dangerous road if we are not careful. The pattern of hurting the other person first can destroy a relationship as well as yourself. We can also, hold grudges against someone we love and they are able to go on with their lives while we are stuck in the past situation. Why do we do these things that are so hurtful to others, but mostly ourselves? These are people we say we love, but do we really even understand what LOVE is?
For many, many years, I thought I knew what love is, but I didn’t. My first true love is God. He showed me Agape Love. God loved me when I didn’t love myself let alone I didn’t know how to love someone else. Best way to describe it is…..read John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” This is truly amazing. God gave us his son to die on a cross for our sins, our bad habits, our sexual deviancy, our complete unrighteousness, and our ill will towards other human beings to name a few. How do we continue to love someone after they hurt us? If we could conquer this as a human race, I think we could be in such a better place. Hurt people, hurt people is a very true statement. In all of our brokenness, God can bring about a healing that no one can explain. A true peace deep within that you will never want to let go. How can you get this? Turn your attention to Him. Start a real relationship with Him, the one who Loves you so much more than we could ever deserve. It is not based on our feelings, what we can do for Him or do for others. It is simply put, God Loves US!!
After the argument, what next? I recently had an argument with my husband which ended in silence. Neither of us were willing to listen to the other person’s view points. We wanted to win and ended up we both lost. We didn’t speak for almost a day. We work together, so there was no escaping each other. I will say this, once God softens your heart, you can’t try to be hard again. For almost 40 years, I had a hardened heart and now I still don’t know how to process the emotions that once couldn’t escape. With God’s help, I’m getting better each day. I used to be able to be angry for days on end and manipulate the situation to my favor. I can’t do that any longer. I sincerely learned something this time, My husband loves me like Christ loves the church. (Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”)
For this lesson….I’m forever grateful!!