Betrayal of the body

My skin feels like it’s ready to come off. I’ve dealt with many different health and sexual issues, but this is different.  I thought giving up the desires of the flesh was hard, but this is WOW! Every muscle and joint hurts, don’t feel like myself and nothing soothes the pain. The confusion in my mind sets in like a wave coating the sand only retreating for a short time to return. A low grade fever is raging war and there is no blanket of warmth that surrounds me. The right side of my body fails me as I wake up in a pool of my own sweat nightly. No more being held by my loving husband. Bruises come and go in the oddest of places. Doctors that I’ve seen in the past have no clue and it makes me give up on going. I know they practice medicine, but practice giving me some answers. I’m not a pill popper, so don’t throw them my way without an explanation. I’m frustrated and don’t want to be a burden of my family, so I strap on a smile and push through my day. I pray and ask God for answers and He’s been silent. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be learning. Patience? Endurance? Trust? Humbling ones self? Perseverance?  No one can even imagine the pain I feel daily. Well, maybe you can??  I don’t look like what I experience or do I?  I’m clueless on what I’m supposed to be learning from God at this moment and I’m starting to think it’s supposed to be this way until He’s ready to reveal it to me. I search the Internet for answers, but just maybe I’m supposed to search Him and His word?? Yes, thank you Holy Spirit for the divine direction. 

Join me as my journey continues………
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.   Romans 12:12 NIV

For my own name’s sake I delay my wrath; for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you, so as not to destroy you completely.  See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.    Isaiah 48:9‭-‬10 NIV

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Buried Alive

As the shovel hits the dirt of the earth, more things become unsettled. Rocks, bugs and ugly things pop up unexpectedly. The shovel keeps moving the dirt. The ground can no longer feel the pain after the initial sting. A hole is now forming and it’s getting deeper with each swing of the shovel. My hands are getting dirty and sweat is dripping from my brow. I start to think the hole is deep enough for what I need to plant, but I hear a still small voice saying go deeper. My hands are cramping up from all the work that I’m not used to. I thought this would be quick, yet I’ve been out here for over 2 hours. Digging up dirt and making a big hole with something small to plant. Lord, Why??? No response. The hole is very deep now and the once hard dirt is now soft. Not sure if it’s from my sweat or tears. Suddenly, the winds start raging as I try to run for cover, but I fall into the hole. The winds continue and the dirt I moved is now blowing over me. I scream for help, but no one hears me. I’m feeling the heavy weight and pressure against me and I can no longer fight against it. Help me Lord…..don’t you hear my cries?? I’m buried alive with the weight of life against me. There’s no way out, but use what I have to get out. The shovel didn’t fall with me. My hands are getting raw from digging. I lay still to rest for what it seems like weeks or even months. A new sense of peace washes over me. I feel a hand rest on my shoulder saying it’s time to grow. Are you ready to leave the dead things behind and grow with the newness of all I have prepared for you? I kept hearing the question over and over. I had no more fight left in me, so I softly said, “yes”. There was a sudden trembling of the ground that began to shake violently. I felt like I was catapulted from the deepest depths of the earth. I was now standing on the dirt which once held me bound. Thank you Jesus for your Grace and Mercy. “I’m free” was all I could scream!!!  I searched in my pockets for the seeds I was supposed to be planting….only to realize I was the seed!! 

Join me as my journey continues…………….
For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.  Isa.61.11.NIV 

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord : “ Lord , save me!” For you, Lord , have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord  in the land of the living.  Psalm 116:3‭-‬4‭, ‬8‭-‬9 NIV

Game of Life

Today’s the day to shift your focus from your circumstances to God. A full surrender to God’s will for your life. Whatever He has told you to do….DO IT!! Baby steps, small steps, leaping in or even a full on Jump….Get back in the game! We may be sidelined for a moment, but that’s not our forever place. Our place is in the game of our life with God as the head coach. In any game you seek direction from the coach, same thing here. You don’t ask a different player tips that knows nothing about your position. We may get hit, knocked down, but we get back up! We may be bruised, broken, and even disgusted BUT GOD….for He has not left us and this is when His greatest work can be done. We can no longer do it ourselves and things that don’t belong in our lives, He is removing. The pruning process hurts, but its very necessary. Stop resisting and let go of things that are hindering you from your groWTH….Allow Him to complete His greatest masterpiece……YOU!

Join me as my journey continues…….. 

The Touch of Love

Have you ever wondered what love would feel like? Sure, we think of the butterflies dancing in our bellies, goosebumps on our arms, or soft kisses to our foreheads or even making love. Yet, tonight was very different. I felt love very different from what I experienced in the past. As my husband sat on the end of my side of the bed, he grabbed both of my legs. One in his lap and other was bent. You could see the days exhaustion across his face, yet I could see I mattered more at that very moment. As he softly rubbed my foot, he traced every angle of my leg. He would rub the crease behind my knee and sat there for about 15 minutes enjoying what he loved….ME! He didn’t complain, he didn’t speak……He just looked at me with pure love in his eyes. I felt something I can’t really explain. All I could think about was this is how Jesus loves us. Despite our many flaws, sins, times we turn against Him, or just say prayers to get something….He still loves us. Agape Love. Never experienced it until that night with my husband. It becomes deep when you are aware of each moment and even deeper when you are able to be present in that moment without a cloudy mind. If I would have been sleepy or thinking about the next days worries, I would have missed out on experiencing the truest love my husband can share with me. We often forget and can easily take love for granted thinking it will always be there. Love can fade when it’s not nurtured and cherished from the depths of one’s soul. I’m so very thankful that my love for him has grown for him since that night. I thank God for him because he continues to teach me the real meaning of love. 

How many “Love Moments” have your missed out on????

Join me as my journey continues……………….

Your Reflection

Saw a question earlier about what does success look like….By Gods grace success looks like your reflection in the mirror. We tend to put success in a monetary or materialistic or even how the world may view a person. But true success is when you can stare at the reflection with the truest love and acceptance of yourself just as you are. Not comparing yourself to anyone else. Loving the flaws and all just because that is how God created you to be. Thankful to be alive one more day, blessed to have the air to breathe and to remember to share God’s love at any given moment without a second thought. Allowing his light to flow through you while truly fulfilling his purpose for your life. Cherishing the dearest, most priceless treasure called Life!! At the End…to hear God say “Well done my good and faithful servant!” That is true success in my eyes.
Join me as my journey continues……….

I’m Ready 

At the end of your own ability, you realize it wasn’t about you to begin with. Faith is knowing you have already received what you can’t see.  You trust God’s making a way for you. You move forward with feet firmly rooted in God’s word aware He has ordained each step. Pray for eyes to see and ears to hear the guidance of the Holy Spirit on your daily journey. 

Join me as my journey continues……

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Last Day of 2016

I died in 2016! No, not literally, but when I rededicated my life to Christ something happened. On Friday, September 9th, a new me came out of the water. The Holy Spirit told me to put on my full armour of God because I was getting ready for battle. I didn’t quite grasp the fullness of what I was told at the time. Question is….was I really ready???

As I reflect on the past few months, I was definitely in a battle. I wasn’t ready for what I was about to go through. It taught me you can’t be ready, but by the Grace of God He guided me through. Prayer went to a whole other level and so did my Faith! When you know first hand the goodness of God, no one or no situation can take that away. I’ve known before, but this time it was deeper and even more real to me. 

I was about to let the bad overshadow the good of what happened in 2016. Time to turn the pity party into a praise party!! It was a trying time of overcoming a sin that was a serious stronghold, a child being hit by a car, another son with serious health issues and side effects of a medicine that could of taken his life, finances and my own health issues…..This was just after my baptism. BUT GOD was there ALL the time!! Even enduring what I thought was the worst, God gave me His peace that surpasses all understanding! 

The day I fell to my knees in humble submission to God was a turning point for me. It was no longer about me and my strength of how to handle a situation. I couldn’t. I was weak and worn down mentally. No one was there to talk to, but God! If you think of times He removes everyone from your reach so you instantly reach for Him! He wants it all, not just the bad, but every small detail of you! He made you, so He already knows. 

Ask yourself, what are you holding onto that you should of let God handle a long time ago?? Many of us can say Alot of things….so what are you waiting for??? Let it go!! Let me be the first to tell you…..it’s so freeing and absolutely amazing!! Trust God more than you trust yourself. You can fail and He can’t!! 

Friday, December 30th was a day of Freedom! A New Me!! Some old doors closed and new ones opened. I know I’m ready for the next steps God has prepared for me. I will cherish each new day as a gift. I will no longer expect the worst, but the BEST! I am a daughter of the King and will walk in the fullness thereof! 

Yes, situations will occur, but my outlook towards them will be different. 

Be Ready and Stand!!  Join me as my journey continues…………
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 6:10‭-‬13 NIV