Hopeful, yet Gracefully Broken

Shattered dreams once again. You have the faith bigger than a mustard seed, with hope that a person will acknowledge you. A hope that allows the hurt to hit harder and harder each time. A hope that will make you smile and excited when for once they acknowledge you and show you a glimmer that your hope was not in vain. Then silence falls, no more calls, no texts, not even a happy birthday. There’s only one of you in their lives, but you clearly have been replaced. A thought of what can you do to bring awareness back alive in them. To remember that you even exist. Yet, they should revel in the fact that you are a strong, beautiful woman they call, “daughter!” Although, this word means absolutely nothing to them. Well, it may when it’s convenient to them or a memory crosses their mind. I know marriage is sacred and comes first. Although, I don’t know anywhere in the bible that says forget your child. I’m thankful for one of my dearest friends, asked me did I want to take the high road in a situation. I knew it was right and petty pants wanted to be worn, but I did the right thing anyway. My face is tired of being mentally slapped. At the end of it all, I know God and my heart are the most important things for me to heal. I’m broken, saddened by the recent events, but by the Grace of God, it will get better. I’ve acknowledged the pain and hurt to allow God to restore the brokenness. One day hoping he says the words, his daughter wants to hear, I love you, punkin! But, if that day never comes again, I will do better with my own kids to make sure they will always know they hold a place in my heart.

A daughter and father with an absent relationship! But God

Join me as my journey continues……

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Are you ready??

I was lost without you Lord! You hid me, protected me, corrected me when I was broken and reached my lowest, But Now….My heart leaps at your presence and the sound of your name….Jesus! I am content right where I am! If I have no job, no food, no people around me, can’t see what tomorrow brings my way, yet I know you will supply All my needs! Let not what the world offers deter my praise for you! The world cannot give nor take away what you have for me! I have no need to worry when I know without a doubt where my One True help comes from. Lord on this day…let your will be done in my life and not let the worries of tomorrow to invade my present gift! I will Thank You As long as I have breath in my body!

Signed your humble servant!

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Life’s Hiccups

I’m quietly sitting here contemplating how life can truly change in an instant. One minute you can be sailing through the soft waters of life full of blessings and then the next minute, sitting down looking like a deer in headlights. Blind sighted by the turmoil of not only daily routine, BUT LIFE! I feel like a tree that was uprooted during a violent thunderstorm. No tornado, no valid reasoning, winds just hit, then suddenly…..BOOM! Heart shattering into a million different pieces and scattered places you won’t ever find where they fell. I am having a rough time holding on to the little piece of hope I have left. Everywhere I look I see hurt, brokenness, pain, sadness, loss and I haven’t even turned from the mirror yet. The strong, deeply rooted tree that once withstood the numerous natural forces of nature is now gone. The roots, along with a small piece of the base are left in the ground, but what is visible is down. It took down fences and even part of a house with it. The house is now exposed and no one can reside there. This is the best explanation of myself, my heart and my family. I fell, completely caught off guard at what life was throwing at me. Even though my heart is shattered, I still know God is in control. When I fell, my family fell too! We are exposed and the work to rebuild has to be done from the inside out with God!

It feels like a spiritual attack and the only way I can fight back is on my knees in prayer. Only thing I can stand on is God’s word! The words for prayer are sometimes just tears that fall down my cheek. I can’t put the words together, but He hears my cries.

The pieces of my heart cry out to Him!! Only He can put the million pieces back together even better than I can fathom.

Join me as my journey continues……………………………

He’s Risen

No longer in the grave….Jesus has risen….He’s Alive! Not even death could hold him. He did it all for us…Yes, you and me!! So that we might be free from sin and have eternal life with Him and His Father! This is the best expression of Love….For He gave His only begotten son…..Pause and really think about this! Lord, for this, I will always praise and worship you! You are worthy of our praise!!

Forgiveness is a must! Jesus forgave those who crucified him on the cross. This is powerful, because we hold grudges against friends, family, coworkers, and even people who we never met who we felt have wronged us. They offended or hurt us in some way. Forgiveness is for you, not them. It doesn’t give a pass to the wrong, yet it opens up your heart to continue to hear and receive all God has for you! Your heart is no longer hardened!! It frees you from putting people on a pedestal that only God belongs. We must be careful because things and people came become a form of idolatry which is a sin. So to keep our relationship growing in Christ, we must evaluate ourselves within with God, instead of outside in the world.

Be ready to receive all God has for you by opening your heart to all Jesus has done for you!! He gave His Life for you!!

God’s Love

During an argument with a spouse or significant other, many of us just want our points to be heard and validated. Mainly, we want to be right! What happens when you are not heard? Or right….for that matter? What do you do? Get quiet, sulk, and get in your feelings? Or maybe we let our feelings turn into a sword and go for the kill with words that can never be taken back. We can allow our actions to become a dangerous road if we are not careful. The pattern of hurting the other person first can destroy a relationship as well as yourself. We can also, hold grudges against someone we love and they are able to go on with their lives while we are stuck in the past situation. Why do we do these things that are so hurtful to others, but mostly ourselves? These are people we say we love, but do we really even understand what LOVE is?

For many, many years, I thought I knew what love is, but I didn’t. My first true love is God. He showed me Agape Love. God loved me when I didn’t love myself let alone I didn’t know how to love someone else. Best way to describe it is…..read John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” This is truly amazing. God gave us his son to die on a cross for our sins, our bad habits, our sexual deviancy, our complete unrighteousness, and our ill will towards other human beings to name a few. How do we continue to love someone after they hurt us? If we could conquer this as a human race, I think we could be in such a better place. Hurt people, hurt people is a very true statement. In all of our brokenness, God can bring about a healing that no one can explain. A true peace deep within that you will never want to let go. How can you get this? Turn your attention to Him. Start a real relationship with Him, the one who Loves you so much more than we could ever deserve. It is not based on our feelings, what we can do for Him or do for others. It is simply put, God Loves US!!

After the argument, what next? I recently had an argument with my husband which ended in silence. Neither of us were willing to listen to the other person’s view points. We wanted to win and ended up we both lost. We didn’t speak for almost a day. We work together, so there was no escaping each other. I will say this, once God softens your heart, you can’t try to be hard again. For almost 40 years, I had a hardened heart and now I still don’t know how to process the emotions that once couldn’t escape. With God’s help, I’m getting better each day. I used to be able to be angry for days on end and manipulate the situation to my favor. I can’t do that any longer. I sincerely learned something this time, My husband loves me like Christ loves the church. (Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”)

For this lesson….I’m forever grateful!!

Victory

Yet, He died for us, so we might have life….Let’s pause and realize how great a sacrifice that must be. Problem is, we can’t even begin to wrap our minds around such a thing. We weren’t made to get the full picture, we were made to trust Him fully and with Faith! Do you praise Him for who He is? Or what He does? Both are right, but one is greater and what he designed us for! Praise Him for who he is and thank Him for what He does according to His will for your life! He is our all in all, our everything, Love, sin intercession, Gift giver…Holy Spirit, Healer, breathes new life in us each day, and He is Omnipresent! What is He to you? What are you doing with your life each day? Grace and Mercy are new each day, yet we carry baggage around that He said in His word to cast our cares on Him. So why the baggage? Do we just listen to what Pastors, friends, grandparents say about God or do we know Him and His word for ourselves?? I urge you to dig deeper in your relationship with Him. Ask Him to guide you to the scriptures and read with and open heart to receive Him.

Father, I humbly approach your throne of Grace. Father, I worship you, praise you and give you all the glory and honor! I ask that you touch every heart that reads this to seek your face and be encouraged today. Whatever is hurting them, grant them peace, what is missing…fill them with you, and most of all allow them to feel your Love today! Heal our bodies and mind, so we can have clear wisdom to grow deeper with you! Whatever your will for our lives today…we submit to you and receive in full faith all that is for us!! Thank you….In Jesus name, Amen!!

Say it, Now SCREAM IT…I have the Victory!!

Betrayal of the body

My skin feels like it’s ready to come off. I’ve dealt with many different health and sexual issues, but this is different.  I thought giving up the desires of the flesh was hard, but this is WOW! Every muscle and joint hurts, don’t feel like myself and nothing soothes the pain. The confusion in my mind sets in like a wave coating the sand only retreating for a short time to return. A low grade fever is raging war and there is no blanket of warmth that surrounds me. The right side of my body fails me as I wake up in a pool of my own sweat nightly. No more being held by my loving husband. Bruises come and go in the oddest of places. Doctors that I’ve seen in the past have no clue and it makes me give up on going. I know they practice medicine, but practice giving me some answers. I’m not a pill popper, so don’t throw them my way without an explanation. I’m frustrated and don’t want to be a burden of my family, so I strap on a smile and push through my day. I pray and ask God for answers and He’s been silent. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be learning. Patience? Endurance? Trust? Humbling ones self? Perseverance?  No one can even imagine the pain I feel daily. Well, maybe you can??  I don’t look like what I experience or do I?  I’m clueless on what I’m supposed to be learning from God at this moment and I’m starting to think it’s supposed to be this way until He’s ready to reveal it to me. I search the Internet for answers, but just maybe I’m supposed to search Him and His word?? Yes, thank you Holy Spirit for the divine direction. 

Join me as my journey continues………
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.   Romans 12:12 NIV

For my own name’s sake I delay my wrath; for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you, so as not to destroy you completely.  See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.    Isaiah 48:9‭-‬10 NIV